RX-200 Series: It’s Everything You Need

by on Jan 7, 2016 in Poetry | 0 comments

Cooked breakfast with my RX-209.
Nothing is ever over or undercooked.
And whatever is placed inside tastes delicious.
Even if it’s inedible.
Side effects include: horrible flatulence.

Drove to work in my RX-211 SUV.
It can climb mountains and cross rivers,
Or drive over other SUVs in heavy traffic.
It operates on nuclear rods that last for half a century.
Side effects include: impotence.

Came home to my condo.
The RX-242 has voice activated locks,
Switches lights on and off as I walk through each room
Even maintains a constant 72 degrees — whether I like it that cool or not.
Side effects include: extreme depression.

Turned on my new entertainment system.
The RX-250 does everything.
Records my favorite shows, downloads the latest video games,
Plays full screen films, even those I don’t own.
Side effects include: epileptic fits.

Heard the new RX-284 political candidate.
He’s expert in protocol and diplomacy and makes all the right decisions.
Not to mention he’s a clone.
So go ahead, assassinate him — there’s another in cryo-freeze.
Side effects include: fascism.

Jumped in the shower.
Soaped up with RX-288.
Brand new soap.
Cleans off everything including your epidermis.
Side effects include: cancer.

Took a new drug called RX-299
It prevents flatulence, impotence, depression, epileptic fits, fascism, and cancer.
Side effects include: dry mouth, hair loss, anxiety attacks, fatigue, elephantiasis, nausea, insomnia, acid reflux, and occasional death.
But I’m not concerned — the RX-300 series is being released next week.

Described as a well-mannered, sweet-natured, nihilistic punk, Samson Stormcrow Hayes claims that living in Los Angeles hasn’t made him cynical, just more enraged. He writes stories, screenplays, and comics including the critically acclaimed graphic novel Afterlife. He can be found in old parking lots, abandoned malls, or at www.Stormcrowhayes.com.

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