Horrific horror: 5 horror films not worth your time

by on Apr 21, 2016 in Blog | 1 comment

I love a good horror movie, but I hate watching badly made movies. And sadly, horror films can often be super low budget. It honestly feels like I have had two to three hours of my life stolen when I watch a bad movie – precious hours that I can never get back. Life is too short to be watching badly produced movies; you could be doing so many other fun activities in the time bad cinema steals from you! There are mountains to be climbed, books to be read, online slots to be played, and kittens to be cuddled. Here are five horrific horror films that I watched, so you do not have to!

Zombeavers

With a Metacritic rating of 44%, this movie is not at all worth watching. From the title you have probably gathered that this movie is about beavers that are zombies: Zombeavers. It’s hard to even take the concept seriously. In typical low budget horror film style, the storyline is weak and the acting is even worse. Pair this with unbelievable looking ‘zombeavers’ and you’ve got yourself a snooze fest of note!

Shark in Venice

Come on! What is going on with these water-dwelling animals being part of the central plot? With a basic plotline of increased water temperature somehow resulting in an angry and hungry great white shark migrating to the canals of Venice to terrorize people, it’s not the most riveting story. And to top it off, they have some weird underwater scenes where the characters are somehow able to communicate via radio, despite the fact that the mouthpieces of their oxygen tanks would make that impossible. But in a world where a shark lands up in Venice… why not continue with such absurd things!

Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horrors

This is a movie that should not exist. Its trailer makes it look better than it is. And with the super cheesy music and gaudy typography, it already looks pretty bad. Snoop Dogg (Now Snoop Lion…I think. I can never keep up with all these Celebrity name changes. Yes, Diddy, I am looking at you!) transforms into the “Hound of Hell”, and the movie follows three scary stories. It’s a pretty weird movie, and not in a good way either, I might add. Feels like a tired attempt for Snoop to try remain relevant in the public eye.

I Know Who Killed Me

I am usually up for a good Lindsey Lohan movie. Reminds me of my childhood, and she usually stars in some nice lighthearted films… but this. This is something else. It’s got to be Lohan’s worst performance yet. Super disappointing as this movie’s idea was not bad, but failed in its execution. Lohan plays twins who do not know that they are twins, and one of them gets killed. But unfortunately her performance was far from the stellar job she did as a kid, playing twins in The Parent Trap.

Manos: The Hands of Fate

So from time to time I like to watch old Horror movies. This one comes from 1966. It revolves around a polygamous, pagan cult that kidnaps a family. It’s bad. So very bad. Trust me on this one. Harold P. Warren (director of this movie) famously made a bet, claiming that he –without training or funding –could make a horror film. And he did. Just not very well.

1 Comment

  1. Have to disagree about Zombeavers. That movie knows exactly what it is and revels in it. Sure, you can’t take it seriously, but it’s not a serious movie. If you want something to Netflix alone at home on a Friday night with a bottle of wine, it’s perfect.

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