Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money

by on Jul 1, 2014 in Poetry | 1 comment

Showed up at a gala
with a pocketbook of bones,
with a checkbook of birch bark.
No valet parking for my mortar and pestle? No,
my dress of twigs is VERY MUCH black tie!
What do you mean, too old for your fucking gala?

So that did not go well. Though ash and soot
make excellent skin poultice. Please
don’t mention the flash flood and the decorative explosion
unless you insist.

At a gallery opening. My dress of twigs
is considered avant–garde! But what did you say
about the skull necklace? “Goth
is so last year” — how OLD are you, again,
delicious child?
Did not need much roasting.

Those of you who think grandma is only joking
are probably onto something.

Your non–profit organization
promotes women’s rights? NIIICE! But why exactly
am I not poster material? What is it? My wrinkles? My leg of bone?
My accent?
Bend over, child,
I am lately hard of hearing.

I’ll have to watch my cholesterol
if I continue like this much longer.

I heard you are “kickstarting”
a comic book about my exploits.
Why do I have those boobs again? For your record
I am a thousand years old, and dead.
And why on earth would I know karate
and practice it in garters?

You say everything gets funded? Well,
“everything” turns into tapeworms and toadstools too,
especially when I am full.

This day is fried. It’s time to retire
with my pocketbook of bones,
with my checkbook of birch bark,
in my dress of twigs,
in my airborne mortar.

But if you know of upcoming
causes worthy of my charity,
send me a note by mushroom post.


More from Rose Lemberg:

Rose Lemberg was born in Ukraine, and lived in subarctic Russia and Israel before immigrating to the US, where she works as a professor of Nostalgic and Marginal Studies. Her prose and poetry have appeared in Strange Horizons, Apex, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Goblin Fruit, Unlikely Story, Daily Science Fiction, and other venues. She edits Stone Telling with Shweta Narayan. Rose has also edited two anthologies: Here, We Cross, a collection of queer and genderfluid poetry from Stone Telling (Stone Bird Press, 2012) and The Moment of Change, an anthology of feminist speculative poetry (Aqueduct Press, 2012). Rose can be found at roselemberg.net, her Livejournal blog, and on Twitter as @roselemberg.

1 Comment

  1. “I’ll have to watch my cholesterol
    if I continue like this much longer.”

    Indeed. Thanks for your story, Iron Tooth Grandmother. I really enjoyed it.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Apex Magazine #62 Contents | File 770 - […] “Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money” by Rose Lemberg […]
  2. Links: 07/04/14 — The Radish. - […] Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money by Rose Lemberg […]
  3. RoseLemberg.net » Baba Yaga in July Apex - […] forgot to post this – but my fairly humorous poem “Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money,” about the perils…
  4. RoseLemberg.net » Award Eligibility 2014, prose+poetry - […] “Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money,” Apex […]
  5. Love’s Ecology | Apex Magazine - […] Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money […]
  6. The Poetry Project: Rose Lemberg - Pretty Terrible - […] “Baba Yaga Tries to Donate Money”, Apex Magazine, July 2014 […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *